When you become a Mom, nothing your husband does is right

A funny little secret about being a Mom that no one shares with you, is your husband will basically do no right. I don't know how it happens, or when it happens, but it happens. If he's really involved with the baby, then you get mad because he's critical and he doesn't follow the proper routine. If he's backs off and lets you manage everything, then he's not interested in the baby or the family or (insert emotional outburst here.)

I'm not saying this to take away anything from the tremendous amount of work that mothers do--no way--but I have to sit back and look at husbands and feel a little badly for them, because in essence it's almost impossible to please us.

I'm going to say that a good amount of that comes from the all the multi-tasking your average mom does. If you're working, you're juggling work, house, family, wife, mom, professional and almost any other role you can.

And parenthood with all it's joys, tribulations and successes, it probably the hardest and most rewarding role you'll ever have in your life.

So, Moms--try to ease off a little when your husband comes home. As that old joke goes, let him get his other food in the door. And Dads--try to see all the great valuable work the Mom does, and understand when she gets a little cranky. And most importantly--hug your kids. They'll be off to college before you know it.

Why did I think I didn't have time?

One of the most remarkable changes you'll experience as a first time mom, is the time you have left to do things. I really don't know how in the world, I thought I had the right to complain about not having time before I had a child. I almost would like to time travel and smack myself for even uttering those words. You know who doesn't have time? Moms. Any Mom. Any Mom at any point in the day, does not have time.

If my experience is typical--and it sort of is, from what I can tell--if you think about all the things we, working Moms, have to juggle in a day, it will almost make your head explode.

In the morning, there's cleaning the child, dressing the child and feeding the child. Multiply those activities by the number of children in the household and you will see the level of efficiency required. Then there's clean self, dress self and feed self. (Ahem--we tend to skip that don't we, Ladies?) Followed by the making of lunches, the waking up of husbands and the general herding of everyone out the door while keeping on time.

Then, there's work an 8 hour day and try very hard to not appear sleep deprived and always sound chipper. Because God forbid a woman is crabby at all at work. If she is, then there's a whole list of things whispered about her by both men AND women. (Shame on you, Ladies. Some of the men, just don't know any better.)

After that, there's the mad dash for dinner making, house cleaning/straightening and story listening. Children tend to want to tell stories and well they should. Followed by husband greeting and family feeding and dish cleaning. Which is often shortly followed by the child prepping for bed and eventual sleeping.

And when that's all done, there's the typical list making of what to accomplish to keep the household running the next day. This list can include but is not limited to: grocery shopping, bill paying, post office runs, bank runs, and appointment scheduling.

And finally, we go to bed. Until the wee hours in the morning when the child wakes us up. Now, why did I think I didn't have time before I had a child?

Losing outlawed for children

Remember the expression, “There’s nothing worse than a sore loser”? Well, apparently, if you have a child these days, they’re not even familiar with the concept of losing. The next generations of cherubs don’t even get to feel the exhilaration of competition, instead, they’re just handed participation trophies and patted on the back for just being “great” for “being you.” Um?

I don’t know, but the last time I checked, the world was filled with winners and losers. Psst…let me let you in on a little secret sometimes that can be the same person.

When I was growing up, I failed at things. And my parents never called the school to have it out with the teacher. As a matter of fact, failing was usually my fault. And quite frankly, it often was. So, I had to learn to study harder or smarter and worked through the emotional trauma of that “F” every now and again so that when I got into high school that “B” was failing in my book. (We all have our own barometers.) But, the point was, that sometimes I was the loser kid that got the bad grade while everyone else in my class was a genius.

And, that carried on to athletics. Often, I was the last person picked for teams. Sometimes, bargaining would occur between the captains to see how many people could be swapped so that the team didn’t have to deal with my physical talents. But, I learned to focus on things that I could do well, instead of being handed a “gold star” for just showing up. (I wasn’t half bad in volleyball.)

In school, there were competitions in which I participated. Sometimes, I won and got to take home a trophy which was great, and other times, I lost and cried on the bus ride home. It helped me understand that in life, we won’t always be successful in everything and the best you can do is learn to lose with some dignity and grace. You can actually be happy for the person that beat you in whatever it was. I learned that in life, on occasion, there will be people better than me, and a firm handshake with sincere congratulations is the best route to take. There will always be a next time.

So, when your kid is on the losing side of a soccer game, or the child that screwed up the bell curve for everyone else in the class, take a moment to explain that in life you win some and you lose some, and help them shift through those emotions. Save the gold star for when they do something really great—like--take out the trash without you having to hassle them.