Losing outlawed for children

Remember the expression, “There’s nothing worse than a sore loser”? Well, apparently, if you have a child these days, they’re not even familiar with the concept of losing. The next generations of cherubs don’t even get to feel the exhilaration of competition, instead, they’re just handed participation trophies and patted on the back for just being “great” for “being you.” Um?

I don’t know, but the last time I checked, the world was filled with winners and losers. Psst…let me let you in on a little secret sometimes that can be the same person.

When I was growing up, I failed at things. And my parents never called the school to have it out with the teacher. As a matter of fact, failing was usually my fault. And quite frankly, it often was. So, I had to learn to study harder or smarter and worked through the emotional trauma of that “F” every now and again so that when I got into high school that “B” was failing in my book. (We all have our own barometers.) But, the point was, that sometimes I was the loser kid that got the bad grade while everyone else in my class was a genius.

And, that carried on to athletics. Often, I was the last person picked for teams. Sometimes, bargaining would occur between the captains to see how many people could be swapped so that the team didn’t have to deal with my physical talents. But, I learned to focus on things that I could do well, instead of being handed a “gold star” for just showing up. (I wasn’t half bad in volleyball.)

In school, there were competitions in which I participated. Sometimes, I won and got to take home a trophy which was great, and other times, I lost and cried on the bus ride home. It helped me understand that in life, we won’t always be successful in everything and the best you can do is learn to lose with some dignity and grace. You can actually be happy for the person that beat you in whatever it was. I learned that in life, on occasion, there will be people better than me, and a firm handshake with sincere congratulations is the best route to take. There will always be a next time.

So, when your kid is on the losing side of a soccer game, or the child that screwed up the bell curve for everyone else in the class, take a moment to explain that in life you win some and you lose some, and help them shift through those emotions. Save the gold star for when they do something really great—like--take out the trash without you having to hassle them.