Single and Whining

Recently, I find myself consoling my really fabulous female friends. These women are currently single with either prospects that need to be removed, or no prospects in sight. And each one of my fabulous female friends has so many wonderful qualities that I find it very difficult to have sympathetic conversations, simply because of the “man” in her life.

Case in point, this one particular friend bought herself her own home, in her extreme early 30’s, finally has her career in order, and in general is profoundly social with rarely a night that she doesn’t have something to do. This lovely woman, who has been disappointed in love before, probably due to her own failure to just admit defeat and move on, is in another relationship that will suck up time, with a man that probably has some growing up to do. Or in more general terms, is simply, “not for her.” The rest of us see it clearly, but this poor soul, just chooses to wait for that profound “change” where he will all of a sudden morph into the prince charming of her dreams. I hated to tell her, she was dreaming and simply wasting more of her time.

Or my other lovely female friend, who ended a very difficult relationship, that if it had continued would have simply caused a loss of her entire self-worth and thousands and thousands of dollars in lawyer fees. But instead, she avoided the altar entirely due to a lovely twist of fate, and now she laments how she didn’t get married and how wonderful it would have all been. For this friend, I simply say to count herself very lucky, because the outcome would have simply been disastrous.

So, before any of you, pick up the phone to complain to your girlfriends, because of your “failure” to be in a “married” relationship, allow me to at least offer these few words of wisdom. First, no one said life or love for that matter was supposed to be easy. So, you might as well forget it and get used to nights alone feeling defeated with your bucket of ice cream. The fact remains that you will get it more “wrong” than “right. You only need to get it “right” once, theoretically. So, be prepared to fail often and completely.

Second, you are not a failure because you do not have a man. That is among the silliest thing I have ever heard. Believe me, that notion ended many years ago, when the first woman got herself a job and started paying her own bills. You are a full human being, with or without a man. Get a grip.

If you have a man, that needs to “go”, just do it already and leave your poor girlfriends alone. We’re tired of coming up with reasons why you should stay and saying, “I know” and “maybe” to your idiotic suggestions that he will change if he loved you enough. He will not change. It is possible, to date a good person that is simply not your puzzle piece and I say, better to throw the puzzle piece back into the jig saw box, before you screw up the picture.

Finally, decide already what life you want for yourself. There are those that wait for their soul mates and those that accept “good enough.” If you’re a “good enough” girl, don’t call complaining in a few years when he can’t find the remote control and it annoys you. If you’re a “soul mate” girl, then don’t call complaining in a few years, when you’re at home and don’t know where you put the remote control.

Life, my dear female friends is totally full of options. We live in a great time and place where we can make them for ourselves. So, honestly, sincerely, STOP whining about those men in or not in your lives. Believe me….they are not thinking or whining about you.

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