How come the cavemen could manage babies?

Having recently entered the land of parenthood, it absolutely amazes me how in the world other people before me have done it. Although, I'm reminded that even cavemen, clearly were able to manage babies; thus we exist as a species, I am just shocked civilization made it this far.

People told us, that we would not be able to sleep with a newborn and we just smiled at them thinking we were educated people with degrees in frames on our walls. Clearly, we would find a way to work out this baby sleep thing...believe me...you will not sleep. My wonderful little miracle takes 45 minute cat naps followed by about an hour feeding session involving a lot of burping, diaper changes, snuggling and cleaning. The feeding occurs around-the-clock in about 2-3 hour intervals. I'm told this is called cluster feeding. Now if you do the math, you can understand why I say, you will not sleep.

I also hear there are those miracle babies that sleep 6 hours straight and have to be awoken to eat--if those magical babies exist, and you are lucky enough to have one--I say you start saving now for the Bentley you'll owe the little person when they're about 18.

It is also quite amazing how a tiny little 7 pound, 19 inch new entity on the planet can actually command an entire household and two fairly intelligent (when we slept) adults. But it happens. The first pterodactyl cry and wow, you have never seen two people run up or down stairs any faster unless pursued by a lion. That little human will absolutely start dictating the comings and goings of the house and how quiet a person can actually be. In a matter of days, the fine art of opening drawers, door closing and walking, to the point where even a pin drop is louder, will be mastered.

And there are a few other adjustments that will be made to your personal life. The shower, a process by which you used to clean yourself and/or possibly relax, will be come a coveted treat that you will learn to get down to 5 minutes. Using a hair dryer to dry hair (if you do that sort of thing) will be replaced a pony tail and air drying. There will be little time for personal grooming, so just make sure that your other half has seen you "Au natural" before the baby comes home.

Feeding yourself will be come secondary to feeding the baby. Therefore, breakfast, lunch and dinner will not occur when they used to. As a matter of fact, breakfast might actually happen at 2 in the afternoon. But, don't stress it...it's probably morning somewhere in the world.

And lastly, you thought you had a hard time doing the laundry before, well, when it comes to decide whether clean underwear takes priority over a quick nap, then you'll know you have a newborn in the house.

I hear it gets better, which I assume it does and routines can be established, etc. I figure once I became a parent I gave up sleep forever. After all, let's not forget that babies eventually becomes teenagers who might miss curfews.

-V. Nifora
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