An engagement ring and a 30-year-old’s sanity

A funny thing happens to women that have never been married and in their 30’s. We start to really not like other women. Now, I should clarify. We don’t like other women that are engaged and about our age. We seem to forgive the 20-somethings, because let’s be honest, they haven’t even evolved into their full-fledged female selves, and we give them no more than 10 year tops. But the most offensive of the 30+ females crowd, are the ones that have gotten divorced and remarried. What?! Now aside from illicit affairs that turn into marriage proposals, how the hell does that happen?

I’m not proud of this, but I recently found myself in a Hallmark card store, picking up an “I’m sorry someone died” card, and I walked past this 30-something year old with an engagement ring and thought to myself, “bitch.” How bizarre is that? Ok. Sure, her engagement ring was excruciatingly small and she should be insulted, but the fact remained that she had one, and I didn’t. Now, I don’t know a thing about this woman. I mean, I should probably feel sorry for her, because let’s face it, men are a challenge and we all know there are no good men around (except for the ones that we are married to or dating, right Girls?) But there she was, with a compressed form of carbon around her index finger, indicating to the world that someone on the planet though that she was mate worthy and well, I wasn’t.

I should confess that like most single (and never married women in their 30’s) marriage was not a goal of mine. I always thought that I’d go live an exciting and adventurous life of success and college degrees, and somehow, while I was dashing to my next big business meeting, Mr. Perfect would see me across a crowded subway, fall down on his knees and love me so much, that I would be worshipped unto eternity. (I don’t see why you would think that’s unrealistic.) And like most single women in their 30’s, I’ve had great romances and devastating failures, but why is it that some women get asked and others don’t?

I’d like to think it’s because we don’t want to settle. We all have those friends whose marriages we wouldn’t have wanted to be trapped in, for a nanosecond. I think we truly believe that there is just one perfect match for us, and we don’t want to over look flaws for a mere trinket. I think of all the women since the beginning of time that had no choice in their marriage partner, and realize that I’m fortune because at least I have choice, and I’m clearly exercising it. I think of my mother’s sage advice, “You’ll be married forever and single only once, don’t rush it”, and I breathe a huge sigh of relief.

So, who needs a silly little diamond ring on their index finger as a token of a man’s affection? I’m now wearing a 10ct blue topaz ring on my finger, purchase by myself as a result of some of those business meetings.


(As a side note: Prince Charming did arrive with ring.)