What they don't tell you about being a mom

I love my girlfriends, but there was clearly a list of things they didn't tell me about being a mom, that I'm discovering ring true for pretty much all of us as the months move forward. Your body goes to hell and it really doesn't come back.

Now, I know that they are some of you out there, that claim you were able to loose all the baby weight and you completely fit into your old jeans. Well, guess what, I can try squeezing myself into my old jeans too...the question is really A) if I should AND B) go out in public...the answer is no.

Here's the rub girls...you will never be the same size again. Yes, yes, I know, it's those atrocious girdle contraptions that your mothers and grandmothers told you to wear after the baby to suck in your gut--ladies--it isn't going to make a damn bit of difference--stretched out skin, is stretched out skin and unless you intend to make an appointment with the plastic surgeon--it's pretty much going to be that way forever.

Now, before you get all hostile and throw things at the computer and think all awful things about how I must have had some weight issues prior to being pregnant, let me come clean to the world and tell you all--I was a disgusting and perfect size 4 at 125 lbs and could fit into the pants that I wore in 8th grade. (The barf bag is to your left.) However, today, I am healthy and 130lbs, but there is no way in the world, I can fit into my size 4 pants. As a matter of fact, to illustrate the point, let me just say, I can under no uncertain terms lift them over my thighs and button them. I don't know what the heck happened, if it's a Hellenic hip disorder coming to full fruition, but they will not fit.

So, ladies, if no one has told you before, let me be the first to let you know now...go ahead and pack up all those old clothes and donate them. Just forget it. Box them up and do not look back. You will not fit into them. That is a thing of the past, just like "you time" and "sleeping in on the weekend." Long, long gone. So, take a deep breath, hug your child and stop torturing yourself with stupid diets and hours you wish you could spend at the gym. Let me be the first to tell you, it's OK. And it wouldn't make a difference anyway.