I'd apologize if I actually felt bad...

About a week or so ago, my son decided to express himself in class in every means in which a baby can express himself. So, I apologized for the disruption. I mean, the other moms were actually trying to pay attention while their kids sat quietly sucking on their pacifiers. And I was instructed to not apologize for the baby--which quite frankly annoyed me.

It seems in today's world, we're required to apologize for just about everything whether it's something we did or feel bad about or not. We apologize for the woman that bumps us in the department store, when it was clearly her fault for not looking where she was going. We apologize for not being able to find the coupon right away when we go to the cashier. We apologize for not finding our keys when we're standing in front of the door. In short, we apologize for being alive. It's just a basic requirement of women in order to function in "polite" society.

And if you don't apologize for minor inconveniences in life, you're provided with that label that falls on all women when they don't conform to expectations it starts with a "b" and ends with an "itch". "Can you believe she didn't even apologize?"

So, what do you actually do? Not apologize for stupid things you're expected to apologize for, "Oh, I'm sorry. Did you not see me standing here in front of the elevator when you bumped me? Gosh it must have totally been my fault for being alive", or not apologize, "No. I'm not going to apologize for talking over you, because I can't hear you through the phone when you don't talk loudly enough and quite frankly most of your ideas are ridiculous and I don't understand why anyone invites you to share them." See? You just can't win. You wind up apologizing at nausea for just about everything so it's a secondary reflex that you don't even think about so people will just leave you alone. So this scenario doesn't have to happen:

"Aren't you going to apologize for hurting my feelings?"

"Was I wrong with what I said?"

"No."

"Then why should I apologize?"

Naturally a few things flashed through my head when I heard the teacher tell me not to apologize for the baby. But instead, I just stood there bouncing my son to help him maintain some level of composure and held my tongue. I figured it was better than apologizing for her failure to understand that I didn't actually feel bad, I was just being polite.

And you went to the doctor because?

I never understood why people go to the doctor and then not follow his advice. It’s one of the most idiotic things in the world to me—as if, the years of medical school just encompassed a suggested reading list.

If you think about other professions, it’s rare that people don’t really pay attention to the advice or direction given. Case in point, when you’re being arrested and the officer starts reading your Miranda rights, you probably wouldn’t say, “You know, I understand I have the right to remain silent, but I was thinking, eh…how about we talk about my Aunt Sally, instead?” Can you imagine walking into your accountant’s office and saying, “Nah, how about we just file half the tax return this year? Because I just don’t feel like I really need to file what you’re telling me.”

But no, when people go to the doctor, they feel that they graduated medical school right along with him. Yep. They know all about everything because they read some stuff on Web MD before they showed up. Goodness knows that what they read on the Internet is far more valuable than what the doctor knows. It’s like, why don’t you just get yourself a bottle of ether and a saw and have at fixing your own broken leg then?

I know what you’re going to say. You don’t really like your doctor. Well, newsflash, medical schools around the world are still graduating doctors every day. Imagine that? Go find one that you trust and like.

So, the next time you start thinking about visiting your MD, take a moment to collect yourself and figure out if you’re going to hear what he’s saying. Because if not, just save yourself the co-pay, self-diagnose, stay home and stay sick—pretty much. At the very least, you’ll be helping kept the cost of insurance down.